like the band said, “Ramble On”

“Hello, what do you have for just under £250 please”

All I hear each week in my local rag is how awful the police are and how marvellous the demise of the County council is. I have a close view on how the Police work, not everything is right, by a long way. but my experience is that by and large there are a lot of people working hard, not for great riches (as the salaries are significantly below the equivalent private sector ones) and not for the marvellous benefits that everyone thinks are there for local government personnel (at least not any more!). One of the chief cheerleaders of this criticism is Nadine Dorries, who, I am given to understand is known as “Mad Nad” in various outlets. My personal view of this woman is that she is every bit as mad as the nickname suggests. Her blog is amazing, and I don’t mean in a good way, it includes (at time of writing) a picture of a foetus reaching out through an incision in a woman’s womb - all in the name of her anti abortion drive - which one has to question as it is, of course, the law of the land that abotion is a valid choice, and she is my representitive - not elected to speak her own mind, without moderation. But it’s not this single minded attack on the pro choice lobby (or indeed women who may have had an abortion) but her tab on “expenses” where she tries to explain how difficult life is for an MP leaving the “business stream”. In her defence she makes comment about the Westminster flat she maintains at public expense, because, apparently, there are a lot of late nights and very early mornings in politics. - Well, who’d have thunk it? - I used to work in London under such circumstances and occasionally stayed in the local travellodge as the amazin 50 mile journey did not seem to justify renting another residence - but then, of course, I’m not allowed to claim mine on expenses…

Speaking of which, as Nadine and I share a common employer, i.e. the state, I thought she’d like to know how my expenses policy breaks down.

I get £10.34 per day to cover all meals taken if away on business

I cannot spend more than £50 per night on acommodation, unless specifically signed of at the highest levels in advance

I may not claim any expenses for alcohol of any form

I can’t claim more than 40p per mile for driving (in common with everyone else)

If I want assistance or project support, I must make a business case and have it passed by an elected body before the person is employed

If I employed my wife, I’d probably be sacked (or at least investigated by the professional standards department)

If I attempted to reclaim 95p worth of expenses without receipt, I would be unsuccessful. (MPs get £250…)

If I were offered a trip to Wimbledon I’d have to refuse as I would not be permitted to accept such hospitality, I wpould certainly make it my business to know the value in advance and not express such surprise after the event as she does.

I wouldn’t be able to tie my colours to the mast at others’ expense by demonstrating my support for Israel in a visit I hadn’t paid for. (For the record, I am a strong supporter of Scottish Rugby and would consider any sponsorship offers to follow them in the next 6 nations - of course I’d resign first)

What caps it all, in the extraordinary arrogance stakes is when, at the end of the page (which I now discover courtesy of http://www.ministryoftruth.me.uk/tag/nadine-dorries
is that she funds the website with my (and your) money) she invites journalists to debate with her saying

“I will be happy to discuss my salary and allowances with you, but lets have yours on the table at the same time”

Well Nadine, here’s he rub, like it or not, a Journalist’s expenses, even if he/she drinks like a bearded refugee in the desert are funded through private business and the sale of newspapers, which we, should we choose do not have to purchase. I have no choice in the matter of funding a website which slags off the local police, extolls unwanted pregnancies in the most tasteless manner and lectures on the employment of one’s family no matter what the skillset.

Sadly, due to the demographic of my constituency, we will be stuck with MND until she decides to get off the gravy train and another Consrvative candidate appears. I do, however, look forward to seeing her expenses broken down a bit more now the rules are changing - she really is the pits!

Expenses - or how Nadine explains her right to a government funded nosebag.